this is my last entry.. i dont wanna write in this anymore.. nor other things..

if u actually read this then ur probly wondering why.. well i jus see that this is sum kinda way for me to yell out to others.. i dont think is should.. its not lik i reply..

if anyone wants this or to continue on writing in it.. then email me..

pyace.... -tim signing out-

today.. it was sunday... today i woke up early for once.. to go to church with 2 people frum work.. i havent been to church in a long long time.. it was really weard.. if it wasnt for tha people frum my work that were their then i woulda up and left.. walked around tell it was done or sumthin. but with them it was koo.. i dont think i well be attending next weeks service..

after we picked up ronnie and his gurl.. and then to mission.. saw dream catcher.. it was koo.. i can actually say that i was pretty much almost on that one show fifth wheel.. well without tha cameras and me being tha fifth.. umm that was koo.. i didnt mind.. i dont think ill be doing it again.. unless i get to invite sumone.. i wasnt prepaired for it.. but its koo dosnt matter to me.. i got outta tha house like i intended soo im boo..

i feel better frum tha last entry.. not much differnt but better.. i think that makes sense.. well it does to me.. ohh well.. last night i had a dream then i woke up but i was still in tha dream thinking about that same thing yet i thought i was awake.. except i was dreaming again about that dream.. haha did u follow that.. haha u might wanna read that again.. but yah.. ive been thinking about my very very first incounter with a gurl.. more lik a puppy luv crush go out at school kinda thing.. i wont forget her.. and he mom.. both 2 good women.. i was actually thinking that i should drive down their when i get another call all up to par and visit.. that would be nice.. bareing gifts or sumthing.. ionno.. i think of to many things... to many.. "nice things" in sted of actions.. but tha thing is there is a limit to so many actions for tha time givin' to me.. ohh well wut can i do.notta damn thing thats wut.. fuck it...

i came across a sort of a quote u could say.. and it really relates to me..
"a man with nothing to live for, is a man with nothing to fear.."-some guy- this sets me apart from everyone.. i dont fear death. i dont fear love. i dont fear life. if anything bring more.. because its already kickin' my ass soo why not more. right? yah.. bring more.. and fuck that 2.. i seem pretty damn bitter huh? well with all good damn reason to.. and its nessary to curse because it emphsises my feelings best.. but yah.. dont wanna type anymore.. bye... ps i cant spell.. soo wut!

why not end it all? life would be so much easyer! their wouldnt be one.. and thats good so why not?

fuck my dad and his money..

ohh.. if u cant read wut tha picture says ill read it 2 u...

"this picture is of me crying.. i dont let people see anymore... but i wanted you to see.. because this dosnt happen often.. i know its hard to see tha tears but they're their.. trust me.. i should know.. i endured tha pain.."

my fridays always fucking SUCK ass.. im sorry but... fuck that.. im not sorry.. why does this shit always happen to me.. today i was suposto go see movies wit my cousins.. that fell threw.. soo today i called into work because i didnt have shit to do and no one to kick it with.. eh i got nuthin to do.. why not earn a lil extra money.. today at work was alright.. jennifer C. visited me.. she invited me to a lil get together for her brother.. that was kinda nice i guess.. sooo i made her a drink.. i noticed then that i need a gurl.. well not sure if i really need.. but yah ionno.. someone to hold.. expecially right now.. but fuck it.. thats not gonna happen...

i also realized that tha time that i havent had a car.. which has been for about a month now that i no longer have any friends.. i mean not tha ones i usto have that i saw everyday and kicked it with.. and i knew it was gonna happen.. i actually told one of them that it was.. and u know wut it did.. i said that one day im no longer gonna have my car and no ones gonna wanna pick my ass up.. damn well knowing that i have for them every and i mean EVERY fucking time.. no matter wut.. i guess thats jus tha person i WAS... now that i dont have a car i see who my real friends are.. and thats practially no one.. i hide my tears i dont let it seep threw.. this is wut i tell my self every time i wanna get emotional and their might be sumone around.. i dont lik it when people get emotional and then others ask a grip of questions.. well this is me.. and lately iv been wanting to say.. FUCK IT.. fuck it all.. but i cant.. its not in my nature..

friday.. todays friday night and im at home.. u was suposto be at this phat ass party in mission valley that club X is d.j.ing for.. and i work for tha club.. well i dont have a ride and no one will pick me up.. acutally all my "FRIENDS" that are their frum tha club arent picking up their phones.. yah good times eh.. man if i had a car and tha position was visa versa then they know they could count on me for a ride.. i would leave that party and go pick anyone of them up.. even if i had no gas no money.. if their is a will.. then theirs a way.. i always say.. man.. i think iv shown to everyone i know that id be their for them in tha time they need.. anyday and anytime.. i think iv shown this many times.. fuck i dont even know wut to say anymore.. maby im jus gonna sit back and let things happen.. let things jus deminish before me.. u know wut actually sounds good right now.. is to get called to war.. get drafted.. i think this would be better for everyone.. my pops told me tha other day if and when i get a bike or go to war that hes gonna get fulll life insurance on me soo when i die then hed get a grip of money.. u know wut i say to that... lets get an old man rich.... fuck i dont know wut to do.. and im getting no where any path i take.. fuck it..

CAN SUMONE PLEASE TELL ME WUT WENT WRONG!